🍽️ "Marriages Are Made in the Kitchen (and Broken in the Blender)"
By Akshat Agrawal
“You can live without salt, but not without taste. You can survive on kale, but not without kindness.”
🫕 Prologue: Taste Is a Dealbreaker
We ask all the wrong questions during marriage discussions:
- What’s your package?
- Do you own a house?
- What’s your caste/gotra?
- Do you practice yoga?
But no one dares ask the real red flag:
“Do you like dal with tadka or are you one of those ‘I prefer it boiled’ people?”
That’s where the real love story turns into a low-sodium legal drama.
🤯 Common Indian Food Myths — Brought to You by Baba, Bollywood & Branding
1. Ghee makes you fat. Olive oil is God.
Imported = healthy. Grandma’s ghee = heart attack.
2. Protein only comes from chicken and supplements.
Moong, chana, dal? Meh. Not endorsed by gym bros.
3. Indian food is too spicy, oily, and ‘unclean’.
Because some travel blogger from Brooklyn got loose motions in Delhi.
4. Baba said sugar is poison — so Rasgulla is now evil.
But somehow Coke is fine as a cheat day drink.
5. Tadka = acidity, khichdi = boring, salad = premium.
Even Netflix chefs have convinced us that butter chicken is junk and quinoa is soul food.
🍛 Is Indian Food Healthy?
Depends on who you ask.
If your fiancé says:
“I only eat organic, gluten-free, zero-oil meals.”
Just ask politely:
“Do you plan to live with a human… or a spreadsheet?”
🍕 Why Do You Really Love Restaurants?
Because you don't get judged for eating pasta with extra cheese.
Because nobody at the table asks, "Is this rice from Patanjali?"
Because it’s not just food you’re escaping — it’s the passive-aggressive trauma of a thousand “you don’t care about your health” sermons.
🙏 The Baba Effect: When Food Became Fear
Baba Ramdev deserves credit for reviving Ayurveda.
But let’s be honest — he also created a generation of paranoid grooms who believe:
“Refined oil is cancer, sugar is sin, and besan ke laddoo are only for cheat days.”
Now, mothers-in-law have stopped offering parathas,
And mothers secretly Google: “Is turmeric in excess bad for Pitta dosha?”
🧕 Mother vs. Mother-in-law: The Great Kitchen Tug-of-War
- Your mom thinks nothing beats mustard oil, haldi, and asafoetida.
- Your mother-in-law wants to impress with almond milk kheer, but adds Stevia.
- You just want to survive the dinner without explaining why you skipped gluten today.
The problem is not love. The problem is menu misalignment.
💔 Marriage Interview 2.0 – Ask Better Questions
Instead of asking:
- "Do you cook?"
Ask: "Can you enjoy food without intellectualizing it?"
Instead of "Do you work out?"
Ask: "Do you believe biryani is evil?"
And most importantly:
“If Indian food is unhealthy — what are you doing to make it better... together?”
If the answer is just Zomato Premium, maybe you’re marrying a consumer, not a companion.
🍬 Sugar-Coated Ironies
The same guy who ate 4 gulab jamuns at his own engagement will say post-marriage:
“I don’t eat sugar anymore. Baba says jaggery is king.”
But he’ll eat chocolate lava cake at Starbucks like it’s a prasad from the West.
🧘♂️ Conclusion: The Plate Is Political
When food becomes ideology, the kitchen becomes a battlefield.
- Don’t blame your mom’s tadka.
- Don’t shame your in-laws for using ghee.
- And definitely don’t detox your marriage over a bowl of quinoa.
🧾 Compatibility Checklist: Modern Rishta Edition
✅ Are you scared of ghee?
✅ Do you judge rotis based on fiber content?
✅ Can you survive one month without takeout?
✅ Can you eat with your hands without asking for cutlery?
If the answer is “No” to all — congratulations, you’re digestible.
#FoodAndMarriage #IndianFoodMyths #RamdevVsNetflix #MotherVsMotherInLaw #ThaliNotToxic
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