Why Women Fall for Male Gurus (and Not Female Ones): A Look Through Western Philosophy and Psychology
The Original Reflection:
"मोह न नारी नारी के रूपा, पन्नगारी यह रीति अनूपा।"
Attachment or infatuation is not truly for the woman, but for the form that appears as woman—just as the snake charmer's art lies in illusion.
This poetic line questions a deep and often unspoken truth about human desire:
Are we truly in love with a person—or the projection, the form, the symbol they represent?
It is followed by this thought-provoking inquiry:
"जितने प्रेम के नाते हैं वो नारी और पुरुष के बीच के हैं, या आदमी और पुरुष (जैसे गुरु, या भगवान कृष्ण, राम, शिव) के बीच हैं।
हे सु विज्ञ, दो स्त्रियों को झगड़ते हुए देखो। और स्त्री को बाबा / गुरु के ऊपर मोहित होते देखो। क्या कोई स्त्री आजतक गुरु बनकर स्त्रियों को आकर्षित, मोहित कर सकी है?"
This brings up two sharp observations:
- Why do women tend to fall for male gurus or spiritual leaders, but not for female gurus?
- Why do people of the same gender (especially women with women, and men with men) often clash or compete?
Let’s explore these timeless insights through the lens of Western philosophy and psychology.
1. Plato: We Fall for Ideals, Not Individuals
Plato believed that our world is only a shadow of the world of ideal forms. When we are drawn to someone, we are often not falling in love with the person but with the ideal they temporarily embody—beauty, wisdom, strength, or divinity.
When a woman is drawn to a male guru, it may not be the man himself—but the ideal of divine masculine wisdom that she sees shining through him.
2. Carl Jung: Anima, Animus & the Inner Other
Jungian psychology explains this dynamic through archetypes:
- Men carry an inner "anima"—a feminine soul-image.
- Women carry an inner "animus"—a masculine image of authority and spirituality.
So when women are drawn to male spiritual figures, they may be seeking a union with the inner animus—the ideal man inside their unconscious. This projection is often deeply spiritual and emotional.
That’s why female gurus rarely attract female followers in the same intense way—the collective female psyche is not conditioned to project transcendence or divine authority onto a woman.
3. Freud: Authority & Transference
Freud might interpret this attachment as a libidinal transference—a psychological redirection of desire and longing toward a strong male authority figure. The guru becomes a substitute for the idealized father, offering safety, wisdom, and validation.
4. Girard: Mimetic Desire & Same-Gender Conflict
Why do women clash with women, and men with men?
René Girard’s theory of mimetic desire explains that humans imitate each other’s desires. We want what others want. And often, the rival is someone of the same gender, because they are seen as competition for the same limited sources of power, affection, or validation.
Thus, when two women desire the same ideal (status, a man, attention, or validation), rivalry and tension emerge. This is not due to inherent jealousy, but due to shared desires and projections.
5. Cultural Coding: Masculine = Transcendent
In both Eastern and Western cultures, transcendence, detachment, and spiritual authority have been symbolically coded as masculine. Nurturing, emotion, and immanence have been coded as feminine.
Therefore, female gurus must work against centuries of cultural and psychological imprinting, making it rare (though not impossible) for them to attract deep emotional and spiritual longing from other women.
Conclusion:
- We don't fall in love with people; we fall for ideals and projections.
- Women often project their spiritual longing onto the masculine archetype—hence the allure of male gurus.
- Same-gender conflict often stems from mimetic desire—wanting the same thing as someone similar to us.
- Cultural and psychological conditioning reinforce this dynamic, even in modern times.
This blend of Eastern poetic insight and Western psychological theory helps us decode a truth both ancient and ongoing.
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